Why My Husband and I Choose to Practice Natural Family Planning (NFP)

“May we husbands choose to be Joseph to our wives!” ~ Saint Michael The Archangel, Bulletin, July 24, 2016

“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart” ~ Jeremiah 1:5

Uh, oh! Dare I mention it?! Natural Family Planning.  Yikes!!!

I’m sure many readers cringed at the very thought or that many potential readers were turned away. But before I begin, this post is not meant to push my opinions on others, nor is it meant to judge others who choose a more secular form of birth control.  Rather, in honor of National NFP week, it is meant to shed light on Natural Family Planning (NFP) as a means for natural birth control and pregnancy achievement, and why I think it is so beautiful.  

I was first inspired to reflect on this method when I noticed a captivating article in the Church Bulletin at Saint Michael Catholic Church in Monroe, Michigan.  The article very briefly explained the postulations of NFP and why it is so beautifully accepted in regards to the Catholic Church’s teachings on marriage and sex.  In essence, Natural Family Planning—or the similar, but less religiously based, Fertility Awareness Method (FAM)—is the safest, most effective, most natural method of avoiding and achieving pregnancy, when practiced correctly, carefully and meticulously, of course.  One word is key here: NATURAL.  This method respects a woman’s body and considers the beauty and freedom of married couple’s decisions to plan when to create the miracle of life. However, our secular society praises the convenience of pill-popping and other contraceptives for preventing pregnancy. Of course, it is much easier and stress-free compared to the challenging method of NFP, especially when first learning.  

To be fair, I’ll be the first to admit that I once had my go at unnatural birth control.  It was easy and took very little effort or mental focus. Who WOULDN’T want to take the easiest route?! But, I also didn’t know who I was back then, and I’m not exactly proud of my decision to do so, especially because I know that it is a grave sin in my religion.  In the short time I did partake in this, and from discussions and observations with friends, I did however, learn a lot from it.  I learned that the side effects of birth control aren’t exactly pleasurable.  I learned that, as difficult as it truly is to GET pregnant, our secular society sure does make it easy to avoid—which, in my opinion, only condones the (DARE I SAY IT?!) lazy behavior of our generation.   And most importantly, I learned that popping a pill every morning—as easy and stress free as it is—is the woman’s responsibility and her responsibility alone.  No teamwork. No support. Just the woman.  And, what should happen in today’s society of double standards if an unplanned pregnancy occurs? The majority of the responsibility and “mistake” primarily falls on that of the woman. 

I won’t go on much more about unnatural birth control because that’s not the point of this post—nor do I want to attack individuals’ or couples’ decisions to do so.  Rather, I’d like to enlighten others on why I think Natural Family Planning is so beautiful.  The Catholic Church supports Natural Family Planning because married partners work together, rather than placing sole responsibility on the woman.  The man is lovingly and respectfully involved, and couples are able to learn and grow together physically, emotionally, and spiritually through various stages of intimacy and chastity. Though it is initially quite difficult to learn, when couples work together, the relationship can only positively grow.  I won’t go into much detail about how the method—with all its intricacies and idiosyncrasies—actually works because that would take FAR too long!  Track my temperature every day?! Chart my cervical fluid?! (Yes, I just said cervical fluid…) But not to worry, there is a plethora of books out there devoted to explicating just that, as well as some amazing classes offered by Catholic Churches!   Once mastered, however, couples often feel a major sense of empowerment through their dedication and commitment to each other.  In fact, I find a great sense of satisfaction when I help explain the method (the little that I DO know!) to my friends who inquire.

 

Now, I know what some people might be thinking. “Those methods are a hoax. I know people who still had unplanned pregnancies while practicing such methods.”  Guess what?  My husband and I were one of those couples!  Yes, the little miracle currently growing inside of me (32 weeks and counting) was not planned, and I realized it was because I misread my chart, my own signs of ovulation, and didn’t take into account the changes my body made through travel.  A woman’s body is so unique and there are so many idiosyncrasies to take into account when truly mastering this method.  It can truly be frustrating, and I’ll admit there are days when I wish I could just take the easy way out.  However, I know that wouldn’t make me feel any better about myself.  Though I do feel like I have a pretty good understanding of fertility and pregnancy achievement/avoidance, my husband and I still realize we have much to learn!  But, the great thing about Natural Family Planning is that couples are always open to the miracle of life whether it is planned or not.  In our case, God just decided to bless us sooner than we anticipated we were ready.  Then again, is anybody ever really ready, though?  Because THAT is a whole different blog post on my emotional ups and downs and how horrified, yet excited, I truly am!  As my husband always says: “Man plans, God laughs.”  

Bottom line: the miracle of life is a beautiful gift from God.  Yes it’s scary and comes with a roller coaster of emotions, but I also know that our baby was created in His image and likeness.  And it was done so behind the equal support, openness, and efforts of my incredible, loving, humble, and Godly husband.  The article in the bulletin beautifully describes the choice of husbands to either be Adam or Joseph to their wives.  It reads:

                         The choice for a husband is clear: he can be his wife’s Adam or he can be her Joseph.  A man can stand by silently and allow his wife to suffer the physical and spiritual consequences of contraception. Or he can defend her virtue, body, and soul by using NFP.  Today (in the secular world), contraception is accepted and expected.  Any man who forgoes it for NFP will likely be exposed to ridicule and criticism.  But as St. Joseph taugh us, there are some things more important than the opinion of others. May we husbands choose to be Joseph to our wives! 

I am blessed to have a husband who chooses, without a second thought, to be my Joseph.  And, for us, that is the way it should be.  

God Bless!

Pregnancy, Emotions, and the Reminder of Positive Perspective

Last night was one of those nights when my pregnancy hormones took over, where suddenly I was overwhelmed by tears and emotions.  Hubby and I were eating a Sunday night dinner—parmesan chicken, broccoli, sweet potatoes and a baguette—as I gradually became very quiet.  One reason was because I was feeling very sick, even well into my second trimester, holding my hand up to my mouth every few minutes in an attempt to keep down my nutritious meal.  As we finished, I was staring at some family pictures on one of our end tables in the next room.  Gabriel asked me what was wrong and I responded, “just thinking.”  He then cleared his place at the table and kissed my head, retreating upstairs for his shower and shave. 

I stayed at the table asI sometimes like to do.  Thinking.

As soon as I heard the bathroom door close upstairs, tears flooded my eyes.  All I could think about was the past week of spring break, the four-day surprise visit from my parents, and how much I missed them already.  The emotions were also encompassed by the anxieties and concerns of my pregnancy and the inevitable changes my body will continue to undergo. 

I just. Couldn’t. Stop. Crying.

That’s when my phone began buzzing.

I picked it up to find that I had exactly 15 messages from my friend, Katie, and my sister, Amy.  We often send group texts to each other throughout the week.  This time was a lighthearted comment Katie made about a post she had seen on her Facebook Newsfeed that read, “Pick up the closest book to you and turn to page 206… The first sentence explains your love life.” 

Miss Katie happened to be reading a book when she saw that post and decided to take part in the amusing trial.  Her next message to us was a picture of a blank page in her book with the caption that said, “I turned to page 206 and this is what I got!  A blank page. Basically my love life is nothing!”

Generally, Katie is not one to let silly things like this get her down, so I knew that her comment was encompassed mostly by lighthearted sarcasm.  But, through my tears, that’s when I immediately responded to her with a positive spin. 

“Your page is blank because it symbolizes the possibilities.  It’s blank because right now you’re not looking for love.  It’s blank because your love life is waiting to be written.  A whole world of color awaits to splash your own page of love.” 

“#Perspective”

“Omg that’s it,” Katie replied.  “I’m typing this out and hanging it on my fridge.”

I felt a sense of satisfaction for being to help my friend see things from a positive perspective, especially when it’s usually the other way around.  Immediately I stopped and pondered why this perspective thing has been so hard for me lately.  As an instructor of interpersonal communication, I teach about the value of perceptions and positive perspectives all the time, and how subjective perceptions can majorly influence individual, and relational, satisfaction.

So, if this is the stuff I teach every day, if this is what I pray for every day, then why am I seemingly struggling so much through this pregnancy? Why am I so concerned with the inevitable changes my body will endure… the sickness I undergo several times each week? Why can’t I practice what I preach??

The simplest answer I could come up with is the age old saying that it’s easier said than done. 

I had previously written my pregnancy announcement blog titled “Expecting Babies and Trusting in God's Plan” which discussed the lessons I’m learning about clinging to the Lord and trusting in His plan rather than trying to control everything. But, as many of us know, a one-time reflection is not enough.  We need those gentle reminders. 

While I realize that many of my emotions are warranted—such as brutally missing home and feeling scared and uneasy—I also regrettably realize that an equal half of them are more negative than positive.  Though it’s quite difficult to find the silver lining in the days where I feel anything but beautiful with my changing body and the numerous times when I’m puking my insides out, I must remember to practice what I preach.  To focus on what’s good. 

And, there’s so much that is GOOD.  I have the most humble, handsome, sweet-as-pie husband in the world.  He even started building the baby crib this weekend that he let me help him with—drilling the screws in and all! I have a wonderful family who loves me, albeit the physical distance between us.  I have a good job, good friends, a roof over my head and money to buy healthy food.  And most importantly, we have God on our side.  This isn’t just our baby.  He/she is God’s baby. 

And though I know a blog post now and again isn’t a simple fix for my fluctuating emotions—though I know I will definitely continue to struggle mentally through this pregnancy—I must remember that looking through the lens of my blessed life is a perspective worth holding on to.  Especially a life that’s now been blessed with the little miracle growing inside of me.

That is a life that’s good.  

Expecting Babies and Trusting in God's Plan

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

If you’re reading this blog post you were probably intrigued by the title.  For many of you, this is your first time finding out—if, of course, you haven’t seen the original announcement on Facebook that this was attached to, so…

SURPRISE! We are having a baby!  

At this time I am 12 weeks—which is why I’m finally able to share the news with cyberspace!—and I am looking forward to the second trimester. First trimester was tough on me physically and mentally.  For many women, the sickness and the energy vary.  For me, I experienced consistent nausea and extreme fatigue.  Most days, I could handle the nausea by keeping crackers and soda pop close by. Few others, however, were just awful when I’d be rushing to the bathroom to hurl my guts out.  Thankfully, those days were few.  But, the fatigue is no joke.  I felt bad for my wonderful husband because I thought I was boring.  On the weekends, I’d sleep until about 9:30 or 10, make a big breakfast, and pass out cold on the couch again for a good 3 straight hours. OUT. COLD.  And when I did finally wake up and move around to try to find some energy, I felt like I needed to take a nap again just several hours later.  

But this post isn’t so much about how I was or am physically feeling.  Rather, it’s to reflect on the myriad of thoughts that have been revolving my inner psyche and how the urge to cling to my Lord has grown ever strong.  I’ve learned—and still am learning—an important lesson, one which I think is significant to share with others. 

When I first found out I was pregnant I was actually more calm than expected. I was in the bathroom of our local planet fitness and the little plus sign formed in the window of the pregnancy test before I could even finish peeing.  I packed my belongings into the locker numbered “27” and made my way to meet my hottie of a husband on the treadmills.  I looked at him with a smile, thinking, “you’re going to be a daddy.” 

The next morning is when it hit me.  I wasn’t yet sure how to tell Gabriel, so the first three days I felt very lonely. One morning in particular is when I lost it.  Gabe came upstairs to kiss me goodbye, like he always does, while I was just waking up and sitting down at the beautiful vanity he built to do my hair and put on my face. We said our “I love you’s,” and he made his way downstairs.  As soon as I heard the door close behind him downstairs, I started crying. 

“God, I’m not ready for this,” I sobbed.  “I trust in you and accept your plans for me, but I do not feel ready for this. Guide me.  Surround me. Be with me. Bless me, indeed.”  It took me some time to gather myself. 

I finally broke the news to Gabriel one night at the dinner table, several days before his birthday. I gave him an early birthday gift; and inside a little box wrapped with a golden bow was the precious announcement.  Though surprised, Gabe was very happy. Over the moon, in fact; and he has been continually since that day.  I am able to share in the mutual joy and excitement especially when he takes part in rubbing my belly and talking to the baby, saying, “it totally hears me,” or, “I think I hear the heartbeat!” or, “I totally felt it move!”

You can’t help but laugh… 

Though we are very excited, there are times, I must admit, that I am still in the “freaking-out” phase.  After all, I just started a new career, moved out of state, and have only been happily married for 8 months. Not to mention, our friends and family are hundreds of miles away, making it hard to ponder how we will make things work with the two of us holding full time jobs.  This little miracle growing inside me (did you know how fast it actually grows?!) wasn’t exactly something we were planning so soon. 

Because our little one wasn’t in our immediate plans, I regrettably felt like I was often on the defensive.  In fact, just a few nights ago while lying in bed, I said to Gabe, “I feel like I have to rationalize this to everyone. That is so wrong. This baby is a miracle!” But, I often found myself in situations where I couldn’t help it.  I’d break the exciting news to friends or a co-worker, and immediately I’d say something like, “well it wasn’t our initial plan but God had a different idea;” or, “I was meticulously charting but apparently traveling over Christmas messed up my cycle and my signs were too ambiguous to read…”  It was like word vomit.  I could see the words pouring out of my mouth and I just wanted to shove ‘em right back in.  

I think it’s because I was expecting the common response—which I’ve received a number of times already—from friends that went something like this: “see, I knew you’d get pregnant soon!”  In fact, many of our friends said, “I give you guys six months,” or, “you’ll be pregnant before your first anniversary.” Perhaps it was the crazy fluctuation of hormones and the roller coaster of emotions that I was experiencing, but knowing those comments were inevitable, for some reason, irked me to the max…as IF I have no idea how to chart my signs or how fertility works… as IF the fertility awareness method for natural birth control and pregnancy achievement is a hoax… as IF we weren’t smart in planning ahead… as if everything is part of a personal plan when, in fact, none of that even matters…

And why does none of that matter? 

Because GOD’s plan is so much stronger.  

Why did I feel the need to explain myself for the little miracle growing inside me?!  

Why do we, as individuals, feel that we need to be in control of everything?   

I was sitting in church this past weekend and the homily was all about trusting in the Lord and clinging to Him for guidance, for it is with His help that we achieve greatness.  I felt like the priest was speaking directly to me.  Here I was, feeling solely responsible for misreading my chart two months back, feeling scared and nervous and a whole myriad of emotions that I can’t even explain. Excitement was one of those emotions, yes, but the others were just as strong. 

It was then I realized that, amidst the various emotions, I must continually remind myself that the little life inside me—which, at this point, is  over two inches long and as big as a plum!—is a gift from God!  Our Lord would not have blessed us with this miracle if He did not feel that we were ready to be parents.  And, knowing that this is the path God has set before us is truly incredible! 

I am not perfect.  I still experience days when I’m scared and anxious about the changes my body will go through. As a woman who often inherently struggles with insecurities, the inevitable changes will at times be hard to accept.  That is when I pray hard to the Lord to guide me and bless me through this miraculous journey. 

Reading my daily pregnancy journal seems to help put everything into perspective. It is so incredible to learn about the complex process of fetal development.  It’s insane to know that, while going about your normal day, the baby’s heart is beating faster than you can possible imagine and he/she is growing at an unbelievable rate!   

But, the most amazing part of it all at this point is holding my husband’s hand, watching the ultrasound monitor and seeing the leap of growth from week to week, hearing the heartbeat, and especially lying on the couch at night in silence, while Gabriel lays his head on my belly and talks to our little pea pod. And I know then, that everything is going to be beautiful. 

That’s what I call…

Faith. Hope. And love. 

That’s what I call LIFE..

Car Accidents, God, and the Reminder to Slow Down

The fact that this is my first post in a VERY long time brings to light the underlying message this story will convey…

It’s 5 minutes till noon.  In one hour I’ll have a classroom full of anxious students preparing to deliver their first speeches in my public speaking course.  Yesterday, I would have been complaining on and on, anticipating all of the students who would be emailing me outlines and requesting help at the last minute, only to complain more that after multiple attempts to send along helpful resources, their assignments still need a lot of work.  But, that’s to be expected in an introductory course...

Right now, instead of preparing for class and scrambling to get things done, I am typing away at the keyboard.  My desk is a mess and there’s a pile of responsibilities and “To-Do” post it notes randomly placed along the wall or wherever they could claim a free spot on this cluttered desk.  

That’s because this morning at 6:50 AM I got into a car accident.  Luckily, I am okay.  I was rear ended pretty hard and pushed into another car in front of me.  I am certain I’ll feel a little bit of whiplash and soreness come tomorrow morning.  When I heard the squealing tires behind me, I looked through my rearview mirror and saw the oncoming car approaching me.  I knew what was next.  Instead, everything played out in slow motion. There was nowhere to go and I prepared to be hit.  Even though I was prepared for the hit, I still screamed and I couldn’t stop shaking.  Although I am not seriously injured, car accidents—big or small—always seem to be scary.  Fortunately, I am okay.  But it could have been worse.

What I realized today is everything that I’m doing wrong. As soon as I was hit, one of my first thoughts was that I would not make it to my 8AM class to grade speeches.  I immediately began thinking about how I’d have to rearrange my schedule and the inconvenience the accident has caused. 

Suddenly, I stopped.

INCONVENIENCE?  Inconvenience, Elizabeth? Is THAT what you’re really worried about.  Immediately, my perspective changed. 

I accepted this event as a wake-up call from God to slow down.  Not just physically, but, mostly, mentally. For the past two months since I married the love of my life, moved out of state, and began a brand new job, my mind has been on overdrive.  I’ve been told that I’ve experienced three major life events in the matter of two months.  So, I’ve got that going for me.  These people weren’t kidding. 

I feel like I can’t seem to catch a break to just…. BREATHE. I feel as if I am constantly bobbing my head above the surface, gasping for air in the crazy thing called life.  I’m trying to meet new people, establish my personal and professional self in my new career and in my new town, be responsive and available to my anxious students, and still have the time for myself, and, most importantly, my husband.  Knowing this, I wrongly internalize it as something I can’t control, and I often feel like I need to be on the defensive, when that is not at all the case.

Though I know I’ve been extremely busy with my new career, I realize I need to begin prioritizing the important things in life.  I feel as if I’ve always done a pretty fair job at this, but, like I say, there’s always room for improvement. 

Lately, I’ve been taking my daily concerns with me to bed, tossing and turning and experiencing my first teacher nightmares.  I love my students.  I care about my students. I want them to succeed.  Sometimes I am told that I care too much, and I need to take care of my own health and my own sanity.  In fact, five of my own students this week had all acknowledged my “overdrive” and my immersion into my work:

“Mrs. G, you are working too hard.  Go home. It’s okay.”

“Man, Professor G, you’re having quite a week!  That is okay though.  Slow down and let God take care of things.”

“Mrs. G, you realize you sent out like, 6 emails this week?! Slow down! You’re going too fast and cutting corners.”

Here I am, thinking I usually have it together, but the smart ones see right through that.  Luckily, a lot of my students are pretty understanding. 

Today, my little car accident reminded me to put ME (and my family, of course) first.  God’s telling me I need to slow down. Back up the tires of my hurriedly driven mind, and just, STOP. BREATHE. RELAX.

Just, BE. To Trust in HIM.

It is often sad that it takes a tragic event to bring the important things into perspective.  Today was not tragic.  It wasn’t even remotely that bad considering injuries.  But it did shake me up.

I stopped. I listened. I learned.