Pregnancy, Emotions, and the Reminder of Positive Perspective

Last night was one of those nights when my pregnancy hormones took over, where suddenly I was overwhelmed by tears and emotions.  Hubby and I were eating a Sunday night dinner—parmesan chicken, broccoli, sweet potatoes and a baguette—as I gradually became very quiet.  One reason was because I was feeling very sick, even well into my second trimester, holding my hand up to my mouth every few minutes in an attempt to keep down my nutritious meal.  As we finished, I was staring at some family pictures on one of our end tables in the next room.  Gabriel asked me what was wrong and I responded, “just thinking.”  He then cleared his place at the table and kissed my head, retreating upstairs for his shower and shave. 

I stayed at the table asI sometimes like to do.  Thinking.

As soon as I heard the bathroom door close upstairs, tears flooded my eyes.  All I could think about was the past week of spring break, the four-day surprise visit from my parents, and how much I missed them already.  The emotions were also encompassed by the anxieties and concerns of my pregnancy and the inevitable changes my body will continue to undergo. 

I just. Couldn’t. Stop. Crying.

That’s when my phone began buzzing.

I picked it up to find that I had exactly 15 messages from my friend, Katie, and my sister, Amy.  We often send group texts to each other throughout the week.  This time was a lighthearted comment Katie made about a post she had seen on her Facebook Newsfeed that read, “Pick up the closest book to you and turn to page 206… The first sentence explains your love life.” 

Miss Katie happened to be reading a book when she saw that post and decided to take part in the amusing trial.  Her next message to us was a picture of a blank page in her book with the caption that said, “I turned to page 206 and this is what I got!  A blank page. Basically my love life is nothing!”

Generally, Katie is not one to let silly things like this get her down, so I knew that her comment was encompassed mostly by lighthearted sarcasm.  But, through my tears, that’s when I immediately responded to her with a positive spin. 

“Your page is blank because it symbolizes the possibilities.  It’s blank because right now you’re not looking for love.  It’s blank because your love life is waiting to be written.  A whole world of color awaits to splash your own page of love.” 

“#Perspective”

“Omg that’s it,” Katie replied.  “I’m typing this out and hanging it on my fridge.”

I felt a sense of satisfaction for being to help my friend see things from a positive perspective, especially when it’s usually the other way around.  Immediately I stopped and pondered why this perspective thing has been so hard for me lately.  As an instructor of interpersonal communication, I teach about the value of perceptions and positive perspectives all the time, and how subjective perceptions can majorly influence individual, and relational, satisfaction.

So, if this is the stuff I teach every day, if this is what I pray for every day, then why am I seemingly struggling so much through this pregnancy? Why am I so concerned with the inevitable changes my body will endure… the sickness I undergo several times each week? Why can’t I practice what I preach??

The simplest answer I could come up with is the age old saying that it’s easier said than done. 

I had previously written my pregnancy announcement blog titled “Expecting Babies and Trusting in God's Plan” which discussed the lessons I’m learning about clinging to the Lord and trusting in His plan rather than trying to control everything. But, as many of us know, a one-time reflection is not enough.  We need those gentle reminders. 

While I realize that many of my emotions are warranted—such as brutally missing home and feeling scared and uneasy—I also regrettably realize that an equal half of them are more negative than positive.  Though it’s quite difficult to find the silver lining in the days where I feel anything but beautiful with my changing body and the numerous times when I’m puking my insides out, I must remember to practice what I preach.  To focus on what’s good. 

And, there’s so much that is GOOD.  I have the most humble, handsome, sweet-as-pie husband in the world.  He even started building the baby crib this weekend that he let me help him with—drilling the screws in and all! I have a wonderful family who loves me, albeit the physical distance between us.  I have a good job, good friends, a roof over my head and money to buy healthy food.  And most importantly, we have God on our side.  This isn’t just our baby.  He/she is God’s baby. 

And though I know a blog post now and again isn’t a simple fix for my fluctuating emotions—though I know I will definitely continue to struggle mentally through this pregnancy—I must remember that looking through the lens of my blessed life is a perspective worth holding on to.  Especially a life that’s now been blessed with the little miracle growing inside of me.

That is a life that’s good.